Wisconsin Judge Philip Kirk sentenced a 71-year-old, former school bus driver named Delton Gorges to seven years in prison today. Gorges' crime? Sexually assaulting four boys over the course of 40 years. Gorges, who was once married and has a child, swears he's straight, prompting the judge to make the following observation:
"I think you were born gayer than a sweet-smelling jockstrap."
Let that pungent image roll around in your mind for a moment, before we move on to Judge Kirk's next comment about Gorges:
"If anyone believes that in the last 10 years or 15 years all of a sudden you developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys, then I must have looked ravishing in my prom dress this year.
He spared us from knowing how that thing smelled. Amazingly, the judge thought that by calling out the sex predator as gay in the most demeaning language conceivable, he was somehow doing the gay movement a service.
"I can't imagine in the 40s or 50s admitting your sexual orientation. No one knew there was a closet to come out of in those days. You know you had to be very careful because you could have found your penis floating in the Wolf as walleye bait. It was a terrible life to have to live."
So Judge Kirk feels for you, gays. He really does. See where a life lived in the closet, denying yourself the simple pleasures of sweet-smelling jockstraps and ravishing prom dresses, can lead? Stock up on those suckers now, before you wind up molesting young boys, too!
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