When I was a kid in the 1960’s .… my favorite day was Sunday. Sunday at our house was lazy day, we had nothing to do but play. Saturday we had done all our chores, washed the car and even played rock around the yard. (this was my mom’s made-up game to get us to pick up all the rocks in the yard, and we fell for it every time)
Sunday’s were special, Dad was home, tinkering with this and that (claiming he was fixing it) and as we were outside running around, spinning in a circle till we fell down, and picking and eating blackberries, the best smells we coming from the kitchen and we knew there was going to be a heaping help of goodness come supper time.
Sunday was also the day mom would wash laundry, specifically the bedding. She would hang the sheets on the line and let them dry in the sun, while they whipped around in the breeze. After dinner, we would watch a little TV and eat homemade ice cream with blackberry sauce, then a bath. When bedtime came and everyone had said all the “night johnboy’s” I would climb in to the bed and it was so amazing the sheets were crisp from the sun, and filled with fresh mountain air and I knew everything was right in the universe.
You may be asking yourself, what the hell has that got to do with RENEWAL?? Well I say it’s time to do your laundry, no not the physical but the emotional laundry.
A friend recently shared that he was going through it… Having just gotten out of a long-term relationship (more than 5 years) and trying to get back on the horse, so to speak, things just weren’t going exactly as expected. As I saw the pain in his eyes, I scrambled to say the just right thing, really listen, yet reassure him. I am twice his age, so surely I could pull some words of wisdom out of my ass. EPIC FAIL…
As I lay trying to sleep, I kept replaying the event in my mind. Trying to figure out what I could have said differently. If I had done everything I could have done as a friend. I had an Oprah AH HAH moment. I realized it was bigger than this one conversation. As a nation we have forgotten some very fundamental lessons..
It really hit me that this was a mirror mirror on the wall kind of thing. Can you face the mirror? What would the mirror say to you?
Mirror: STOP GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER. Never let any one person or any one relationship define who you are, or your self worth.
Remember if you were “good enough” to find a man…..wait for it …… YOUR STILL ‘GOOD ENOUGH”. BGood Enoguh to find another one.
So let’s do the laundry…
Wash Cycle….. Let’s “wash that man/woman right out of our hair” – meaning let’s start fresh, a clean break. You know ZEST fully clean. When your an addict, you have to completely quit to get better. ( why is there no 12 step program for putting the ME back in me).
To start healing we have to remove ourselves from that which causes our pain. This is the most difficult cycle and will probably need to be repeated.
Rinse Cycle – Rinse away all the triggers. We always find ourselves wanting to do what is easy, what is comfortable. So we tend to slip into old behaviors. We must resist this notion and find new ways to find enjoyment. We must also surround ourselves with REAL friends who will tells us the truth, even when we don't want to hear it. A REAL friend is worth 5 psychiatrists.
Dry Cycle – Take a moment to BREATHE. IT IS OKAY TO BE ALONE. Take time to find YOU again. Time to remember what makes you..YOU. Time to laugh, time to cry, time to spin around till you fall down.
There is no commandment that says that you have be with someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood movie ‘you complete me” crap. You are complete RIGHT NOW!
Let the sheets dry on the line, so that when you start a new relationship, it's everything you need/want it to be.
A relationship is supposed to be 2 individual people coming together because they choose to. However, that doesn’t mean that you are supposed to lose who you are to be together. What attracted the other people to you… was YOU.. all the things that make you..YOU. Your smile, your laugh, you passion and zest for life.
Time to find that passion and zest (no not lemon zest) again.
To quote my favorite drag queen Rupaul. “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gunna love somebody else?”
